Mary

(Groups One and Three)

Introduce yourself and tell us how you came to be in the group you're in.

My name is Mary O’Brien and I work for a local radio station.  I’m an on-air personality and head up our community outreach initiatives. 

I can definitely relate to all the groups Tina references, but I mostly identify with Group One (The Wounded) and Group Three (The Disconnected). 

I was sexually abused at a very young age and it affected my life in many ways.  I was able to function for many years with my walls up, just powering through life, but I reached a point where I was struggling just to make it through the day and I realized that I could no longer do it on my own so I started counseling. 

What is the biggest hurdle to healing?

For me personally, healing from sexual abuse has been the biggest obstacle in my life.  It affects your life in so many ways on so many different levels and you have to work at it every day.  It’s not a clean-cut thing where you heal and move on, you are facing it and walking it out every single day.

Was there a time in your life where you started to experience freedom?

I first started feeling freedom after I started counseling.  I had stuffed so many emotions and feelings for many, many years and when I finally started to address them and process through everything, it was like a weight was slowly being lifted.

What is the one essential someone from your group needs?

The courage to keep fighting.  You will have days where you want to give up and revert back to your old ways, stay hidden in your shell and use unhealthy coping mechanisms, but if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, you will start to feel some freedom.

What is the obstacle that most often prevents you from holding on to peace?

Being too busy, trying to take care of everybody else and trying to do life “on my own.”

Are there any books, movies, or songs that have helped you?

"It Is Well" helps calm me and gives me perspective when I’m having a rough day.  I love any book by Lysa Terkeurst.

What do you do when you find yourself tempted by shame/doubt/fear?

I immediately pray, find a verse to focus on to center myself and/or text a friend to help me process through my feelings.

Can you point to a development or insight that was particularly transformative in your life?

Honestly, I think after I made my first counseling appointment, I finally had hope.  Not that life was going to be perfect, but that I could finally face my past and the things that were causing me so much pain and debilitating anxiety. 

Once I was validated in counseling and told that it wasn’t my fault, I felt a huge weight lifted. 

Was there a turning point where you began to encounter intimacy with God?

Until I faced my past, my fears, my “junk,” I don’t think I was capable of an intimate relationship with Him.

What is the hardest thing for someone in your group to overcome?

For me personally, I think one of the hardest things to overcome is all the lies in your head — you’re damaged, you’re not good enough, nobody will ever love you, you won’t get married, God can’t use a broken mess like you. 

I still struggle with some of those lies today, but when they creep up, I immediately turn to God and what He says about me and who I am in His eyes and that always conquer those lies.

Are there any verses of Scripture, in particular, that have helped you?

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." (Exodus 14:14)

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27)

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

What advice would you give to someone in your group?

Don’t be afraid to ask for help!  You can’t do it alone. I repeat, you can't do it alone!  Trust me, I tried at times, and it got ugly.  You have to allow yourself to be loved and cared for by the people you trust in your life. 

That doesn’t mean you have to share deep things from your past if maybe you’re not ready to share, just reach out when you’re having a bad day, ask for prayer, consistently meet with a friend to allow yourself to vent.

What guidance would you give to someone who loves a person in your group?

Meet that person exactly where they are.  A friend told me that just because you don’t have the same experience as someone else doesn’t mean you can’t be there for them through their struggle.  Show up, be available and listen.  That’s all you have to provide — not a solution, just love and support.

Mary O'Brien is a wife, mother, and on-air radio personality at 104.9. The River.